What is Love

Greetings,

Since my first post deals with a topic which has been debated since the invention of language, I really do not believe that my words are going to discover anything which shall appeal to pundits and paramours. But I do believe, that it would enable me to rediscover myself, my thoughts and what I need to do in order to create order in a chaotic mind. My mind.
Love cannot be defined. It cannot be classified. It is an emotion which cannot be explained just as an amalgamation of hormones.
I thought, that I would never fall in love. I thought that I would never fall prey to the most basic of human weaknesses. A society which has always frowned upon love affairs had made me believe that to rise above mere mortals, I would need to be an individual who has his emotions under control. To become an ubermench, to be the alpha male , to be a mentor who sacrifices his very being , his every belonging for the betterment of a noble cause, it was absolutely essential to be a person who wouldnt fall into such deplorable depths. But God and Life had other ideas, as they always have and they always will. The time came, when I saw her. Time stopped. Life seemed eternal. God seemed to be visible. A heart attack seemed eminent!
She did not even look at me. To her, I was a speck of dirt on a grain of sand. TO her, I was a non existent entity. To her I was weightless matter.
Love happened. So, I finally realized that love does exist. It doesnt spare the Gods. And that day, I realized that I am mortal. So much for my intentions. So much for my views about lovers being agents of Satan. So much for the fact that my best friend who was having an affair seemed to be the most successful man on earth. The pursuit of attaining her love became the only objective of my life. She came, I saw, I was conquered.
It took me a couple of months to gather courage and talk to her. I even managed to ask her name. She replied. For a few minutes, the only thought in my mind was her name. A name which sounded to be the second most melodious sound in the world. The first being 'Amma'.
A few more months passed by. I cursed myself. I cursed the seasons. Because they changed so soon. Because they never gave me an opportunity to ask her out. Because I appeared so gawky, so irritating and very annoying to her. Every working day, I used to see her for a couple of hours. Those couple of hours were all what mattered to me. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted our kids to be like her. She was my only purpose. She was my only destiny. She was to be mine. Just mine. And anyone else who had set his sight on her would be immersed in the devil's pot and scalded forever. And even after that as well!
Then she left. And met me after a few months. I was still enamoured by her. And I realized that I even dont have her phone number! But I had a couple of years to work my magic. Probably, fate would assist me. But as always, fate had other plans.
An year passed. And I stopped loving her. I wondered how could I stop loving her! It was just an infatuation. But can an infatuation be so strong?! Can love be so weak? Can love just start and stop? Can love be measured? Can love be....whatnot!!?
Indeed I still think about her sometimes. But, the seasons have passed and I dont curse them anymore. I believe that she wasnt meant to be mine. I wasnt meant to be hers. I think I finally realized what love is. Love is my first crush. It was my first crush. It was your first crush as well.
And can you believe it? I still dont have her number!